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Set adrift in jarring seas,
sailing uncharted with the breeze.
Intentions lost in velvet skies,
proves never a day the sun won't rise.

Swept into the current unaware,
of all the chances we would share.
The morning has come; the horizon is high,
the tides are rising, yet we standby.

Alter the shades of the sails,
for this is the route that always prevails.
The storms we've weathered haven't sunk this ship,
or sent us past another round trip.

Shadowed songs and colliding lips,
a passion like the impact of ships.
All uncertainty cast to sea,
to float amongst the dead debris.

So give in to the waves and drift away;
We'll let the luster point the way.
We don't need a map or any sign,
so long as we're together, your hand in mine.
It's 3:00am, and I don't like the ending. Help?

xx.
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:iconjungle-urbanwarrior:
Jungle-UrbanWarrior Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2010
man i really like it. i think the end fits really well. it has the same mood as the rest and finishes quite well. I dont know which bit i like the most but i know i like it
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:iconfallenfallacy:
fallenfallacy Featured By Owner Feb 25, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
Really? Thank you so much. I really don't know what to think of it, so your feedback is greatly appreciated. Thanks again. <3
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:iconmordoc7:
mordoc7 Featured By Owner Feb 15, 2010  Professional General Artist
I love you sweetie :hug: I like the poem too it has a nice feel to it :juggle:
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:iconfallenfallacy:
fallenfallacy Featured By Owner Feb 15, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you, hun. :heart: Your opinion means a lot to me. <3
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:iconmordoc7:
mordoc7 Featured By Owner Feb 17, 2010  Professional General Artist
:)
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:icongohex:
GoheX Featured By Owner Feb 13, 2010  Hobbyist Photographer
:love:

What!?!??! You don't like the ending? It's my favourite part! =p It's romantic, it's lovely. The only part that confused me a little was the 4th line, there are many more syllables in it than the other 3 lines in that stanza.

I love your lit <3
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:iconfallenfallacy:
fallenfallacy Featured By Owner Feb 13, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
You do? :O Thank you. :) I thought maybe it was a little too corny compared to the rest of the poem. But, I was also staring at it and re-reading it for a long time.. maybe a little too long. I thought the last line was a bit long as well. Thank you for pointing that out, I'm going to work on changing it around a bit.

Thank you so much you lovely human being. :heart:
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:icongohex:
GoheX Featured By Owner Feb 13, 2010  Hobbyist Photographer
Nooooo not corny at all! :O It rox my sox ;)

:hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:
Reply
:iconfallenfallacy:
fallenfallacy Featured By Owner Feb 13, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
Aww, okie thanks youuu. :glomp: <333
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:icondavelopes:
DaveLopes Featured By Owner Feb 13, 2010  Student Traditional Artist
it's beautiful steph :)
I dont know that much to help u with poetry and besides that I think the end is great :)
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:iconfallenfallacy:
fallenfallacy Featured By Owner Feb 13, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
Aw, thank you David. :heart: I'm glad you like it; thank you for reading it. :)
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:icondavelopes:
DaveLopes Featured By Owner Feb 13, 2010  Student Traditional Artist
I really read it :) it's a bit hard for me understanding some words and english poetry but I really try ;) and I like it :) a lot :)
Reply
:iconfallenfallacy:
fallenfallacy Featured By Owner Feb 13, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
Aw, thank you! :aww:
Reply
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